Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
In America we eat man semen.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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