So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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