I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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