hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's rum buckets o'clock
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
