No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
