um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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