I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
