um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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