so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
