i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
