Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
