Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
