you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
