YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
