everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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