so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
