Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
