So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
