Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
