he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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