i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
