You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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