wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize