I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
