I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just gift wrapped bread.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
