Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
