just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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