I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
