my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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