he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
