so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
