I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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