If i come over, it means nothing
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
