Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
