Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
