It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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