Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
