I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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