this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
