Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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