need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
