WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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