I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
