we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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