my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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