i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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