Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
