I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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