You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
