id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
