i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
