Got a toothbrush?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
