Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
