you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
