You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
