Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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