take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
