i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Randomize
