Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
