fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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