she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Life is so much better after having sex.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
