Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
