Apparently you make a good broom.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
