my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
