mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
