the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
