The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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