Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
