cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
