There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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