True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
