i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
