can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
