Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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