There was a lot of him and a little penis
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The air was thick with penises
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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